my journey to better health

i took on this raw food journey in the quest for better health. today i felt i lost it, and it was a slap in my face to wake up and take a deep breath and deal with it. as i said, i have had an overwhelming couple of weeks since i came home, i started decluttering but i never seem to finish. there seem to be always something else i need to deal with. my work has been quite peaceful except for slight hiccups and thats when i learn not to take things for granted...

decluttering is an interesting process, some believe that when clutter build up in your home,its a part of your life that you need to examine, and when we choose not to deal with that part of the home or the office that is a mess, it's telling us something. that's scary! so i have good intentions to declutter the whole house, all with the intention to have a simpler life. it's been so hard to even complete one room, never mind the whole house, not that my house is so big! i am going to do it. i will.

so i started this post with my journey to better health. i am so disappointed with myself so far, maybe i am pushing myself too hard. i dunno. i had a vegetarian rice lunch yesterday that was so disappointing. i went to a wine fair yesterday and i was offered some finger food, to go with my wine, and i told the guy thanks but i'm a vegetarian. wow that was news to me! haha... some people look at vegetarians like we are strange, imagine telling people you are a raw vegan!

i realised today that i must commit to becoming a raw vegan. i want to be. because i know for a fact that when i stepped out of the doors of fort bragg, i was a different person than i am now. and its been only 28days! i had so much energy, i was so happy, so calm, so relaxed, quite a different person to how i feel today. even though i have only had a couple of non vegetarian/vegan meals, and that's only because i was being sociable!

i feel like i am lost in space at the moment, where i am neither here nor there. i met my friend over an orange juice and i think he is raw vegan,... my, he is so calm and so relaxed, so zen, whereas i feel like a mad woman, chattering away. he was sharing with me about his experience in chiangmai and how people are so calm and so relaxed and so zen! i am so envious of them! i know i cannot live in a place like this, well i dont think i can at the moment anyway! i need to work to afford my son's boarding school fees so work sounds good! i do like work really, but i think i have ADD (attention deficit disorder) i get distracted so easily. i get bored so easily. my fengshui teacher tells me its in my chart. haha... i need to change my chart, or i need to capitalize on my strengths and try to make the best of my strengths to do well.

i had an sms exchange with a friend today and i think i pissed him off. sms exchange can be so dangerous. sometimes, we interpret messages so differently from our intentions. even email messages can be so misleading. well it ended with him telling me i am confused and fickle minded.

so am i a confused and fickle minded person? what's a confused person? not to know what i want? whats fickle minded? to change my mind about what i want? i think in life, one has to be flexible about what one wants and to be open to change our mind about what we decide on. we live in such a fast paced world, that if i am so set about my ways, i dont think i am going to do very well. at the moment, i know i want to have better health, and i know that this raw food diet has worked for me. i know i need to make lots of money to pay for my son's education/college fund. and i know i am not going to make lots of money organizing raw food classes! well, its not really something i am interested in. i am willing to help but it cannot be my life. i just don't see that in my life at the moment, maybe not for a long moment. i need to get my priorities right, and that is to focus on the right business, and the right business model. raw food is my food not my business. i will never be good at it and i am not really interested to be anything else but a social chef to cook for my husband and me, and perhaps some friends if they are interested to have better health!

which brings me to the other thing on my mind..., friendship. i think i'm going to save that for the next post... have a blessed day!